Title: Different
conversation skills between women & men
Topic:
Gender and communication
Relation: Conversation
style: Talking on the job pages 61-68 in chapter 7
of Conflict and Conformity
Source: But What Do
You Mean? By Deborah Tannen
Description: In But What Do You Mean? by
Deborah Tannen, the author states about the difference in speaking language
between men and women, specifically when they praise, thanks apologize, and
even when they talk. It says that men and women have different ideas about what
is to say properly, and also have different ways of speaking. Generally
speaking, when men and women communicate, women are the one who gets
disadvantage often. It is because that men is naturally designed to preserve
the one-up position or they seldom avoid one-down position when they talk with
others. However, women do not try to avoid one-down position and this fact
leads women to get drawbacks. This article shows various different conversation
styles between different genders. And these kinds of differences lead both
gender have a miscommunication. However, the author mentions that there is no
correct way to talk but there are only differences between using language and
how they understand by others.
Commentary/analysis: Like in Conformity and Conflict titled conversation
Style: Talking on the Job, which talks about the different conversation skills
in each gender is so related with the article that I recently read. Since both
of articles have same authors and same topics, I could learn more about gender
and communication. In the beginning, the author says, “People have different
conversational styles, influenced by the part of the country they grew up in,
their ethnic backgrounds and those of their parents, their age, class, and
gender.” It is obvious that various countries people have their own styles of
talking. For example, Americans speak directly to others, but in my country (or
pretty much most of Asian) we do not speak straightly but say indirectly not to
offend others feeling. However, both men and women have different ways of
speaking too. Men usually do not take an action that can be harmful to their
images; for example, men do not ask, even though they have some questions and
they choose one-up communication skill. On the other hand, women ask as much as
they can, no matter what other would think about them. But women avoid
appearing boastful communication way and also less confident. However, Tannen
concludes “Flexibility, again, is key. There are many situations in which it
serves one well to be self-reliant and discreet about revealing doubt or
ignorance, and others in which it is wise to admit what you don’t know.” I
truly agree with the author that there is no right answer in the communication
skill. So it is so important for us to understand that each individual and each
gender has his or her own unique styles in the way of speaking.
