Title: Different conversation skills between women & men

Topic: Gender and communication

Relation: Conversation style: Talking on the job pages 61-68 in chapter 7

    of Conflict and Conformity

Source:  But What Do You Mean? By Deborah Tannen

http://faculty.rcc.edu/thompson/Marriage%20and%20Family/but_what_do_you_mean.htm

Description: In But What Do You Mean? by Deborah Tannen, the author states about the difference in speaking language between men and women, specifically when they praise, thanks apologize, and even when they talk. It says that men and women have different ideas about what is to say properly, and also have different ways of speaking. Generally speaking, when men and women communicate, women are the one who gets disadvantage often. It is because that men is naturally designed to preserve the one-up position or they seldom avoid one-down position when they talk with others. However, women do not try to avoid one-down position and this fact leads women to get drawbacks. This article shows various different conversation styles between different genders. And these kinds of differences lead both gender have a miscommunication. However, the author mentions that there is no correct way to talk but there are only differences between using language and how they understand by others.

Commentary/analysis: Like in Conformity and Conflict titled conversation Style: Talking on the Job, which talks about the different conversation skills in each gender is so related with the article that I recently read. Since both of articles have same authors and same topics, I could learn more about gender and communication. In the beginning, the author says, “People have different conversational styles, influenced by the part of the country they grew up in, their ethnic backgrounds and those of their parents, their age, class, and gender.” It is obvious that various countries people have their own styles of talking. For example, Americans speak directly to others, but in my country (or pretty much most of Asian) we do not speak straightly but say indirectly not to offend others feeling. However, both men and women have different ways of speaking too. Men usually do not take an action that can be harmful to their images; for example, men do not ask, even though they have some questions and they choose one-up communication skill. On the other hand, women ask as much as they can, no matter what other would think about them. But women avoid appearing boastful communication way and also less confident. However, Tannen concludes “Flexibility, again, is key. There are many situations in which it serves one well to be self-reliant and discreet about revealing doubt or ignorance, and others in which it is wise to admit what you don’t know.” I truly agree with the author that there is no right answer in the communication skill. So it is so important for us to understand that each individual and each gender has his or her own unique styles in the way of speaking.